On Hospitality:
The Honor is to Serve
 
Often times, the key to growth is to work towards possessing greater empathy and a less self-centered consciousness. This is partly what Buddhism alludes to when it says "extinguish the ego". I have often said that "Evil" is in fact self-centeredness writ large.

This is one reason why I have enjoyed and found useful the Heathen Virtue of Hospitality and try to practice it often. Hospitality is one of the Nine Noble Virtues which, while not spelled out in our Lore, were extrapolated from it as common threads in our ancestors' world view.

Hospitality is one of the most obvious of the Nine and may be readily seen in the Sagas, The Eddas and other sources. The Havamal, presented as the words of Odhinn himself, directly exhorts good folk to practice it:

A kind word need not cost much,
The price of praise can be cheap:
With half a loaf and an empty cup
I found myself a friend,

Fire is needed by the newcomer,
Whose knees are frozen numb;
Meat and clean linen a man needs,
Who has fared across the fells,

Water, too, that he may wash before eating,
Handcloth's and a hearty welcome,
Courteous words, then courteous silence
That he may tell his tale

At it's foundation, Hospitality is based on the idea that none of us can survive long unless we share. The old Norse who declared it a virtue lived in a world where if you didn't let someone in from the storm, they might well die. It was a tribal expression of the need to help one's fellow man and thus support the community. Until our hyper-infrastructured modern times, this was a common notion. Take for example the old west cowboy rule that if a stranger arrived at your camp fire, you always offered him water and a plate of beans. That, by the way, still isn't quite dead. My father once knew a cowboy (yes a real one) who practiced that very principle as well as many others pampered suburbanites find quaint.

In my own experience, I have tried to see Hospitality more expansively and to use it as a tool for personal growth. In my estimation, Hospitality is a concrete way of expressing Generosity which while not listed in the Nine Noble Virtues is none the less an essential Heathen virtue, especially for leaders. And Generosity can be a powerful path indeed.

Hospitality can be a real Ego challenge. How often have you felt like a guest or visitor was not to your liking? Or that the circumstances of the visit were inconvenient? We've all grumbled internally at times when we have had to clean or cook in preparation for people we are not overly fond of -- the classic Thanksgiving invasion of the dreaded in-laws! *shudder*

The Challenge of Hospitality then is to see how the act of being a host is an exercise in letting go of pettiness even in the face of potential unpleasantness. It's another way of letting go of Ego and letting your Hero-like qualities shine. What is more important? The fight you had with your guest some weeks or months ago or the opportunity to look beyond that battle? Perhaps even to make peace or at least make things clear?

In unpleasant hosting scenarios, I tend to reflect on stories of the Lore such as Odhinn's visit to the hall of Geirrod. This lord did not suspect that his guest (whom he treated badly to say the least) was in fact a God. Have you ever considered that there may be something of the Divine about your own guests? The Christians rather express this thought with the admonition of "what you do to the least of them, you do unto me."

Not a bad thing to consider. How would you behave if one of your Elder Kin came through the door? Would you have to put on a dog and pony show or would your actions come naturally -- the result of engrained behaviors? Just as every person is "a god becoming" so every guest really ought to be honored in that light.

My own favorite tool for dealing with any potentially negative encounter is to try to analyze things from a third-person perspective. I picked this practice up from Zen and it is a classic tool for letting go of things that are harmful to you like anger and pettiness. Just take a deep breath and ask "How would this encounter between me and Mr. X look to an outside observer?"

Third-person analysis is a natural fit to some other Heathen values -- namely Honor and Frith. Frith (very loosely, the joy and vitality of the community, family, etc.) is another powerful concept. We are at our best when working for the greater good. Hosting a guest, whether it be a simple pleasure or a meeting of opposed wills, is the gateway to weaving Frith.

Ah, but I am dwelling on the negative too much. The flipside of all I have written above is that Hospitality is also an art form and a golden opportunity. I learned this truth best when I studied the art of Cha-No-Yu, the Japanese Tea Ceremony and the wisdom of its greatest teacher Sen no Rikyu (1522 - 1591). Tea is a great way to examine Hospitality. In this ritual, Rikyu was able to turn the simple sharing of a cup of tea into a perfect expression of spiritual humanity. He distilled it all down to one equation:

Host + Guest + Conscious Action = Spiritual Beauty

Hospitality is a means to creating an enriching, beautiful moment - a sharing and a bond between people. If you come to my house, you may expect to be entertained and cared for as best I am able to do. Whether it is a quiet evening with a few beers or a big formal feast during a blot, I can assure you that my intention is the same. You can pretty much expect four things:

The traditional offering of a drink. Please know that I honor you and am grateful for the opportunity you are giving me.

Food. I want you to be comfortable, healthy and at your ease.

Conversation.As the Havamal says, I want to hear your tales. I want to know you and feel our connection as folk. I want to do so with openness and honesty so we may both reap the rewards.

Music. Just cuz I like music. Heh, well, let us say that I want us both to be joyful!

I can't always promise that the house will be clean. Life happens, and nobody's perfect. But I hope you will see that I want my house to be your house for the while. A pleasure you may enjoy. A shelter if you have need.

Is that enough to be a good host? I am not sure. Hospitality is a practice. Dare I say it, a discipline. You do it all your life and refine your skills just as you would with any other art. I think my four basics are at least a good beginning. Rikyu, as well as any good wife who bears the household keys, would also remind us that worthy hosting relies upon preparation.

What more should I provide as host? Well, that is where Empathy comes in. Above all, good hosts are good listeners and try to anticipate the needs or desires of their guests -- that's not always possible, but it is a good habit. I can also attest that it is something that becomes easier with practice.

Lastly, I would say there's something to be said for surprise and delight. Once all the basics are met, the host ought to consider what might bring joy to the guest. The giving of gifts, the preparation of a special meal, the display of a piece of art the guest will admire, are all ways that we go beyond just being bed and breakfast providers.

Hosting is a worthy deed. Sometimes it requires courage and strength (not to mention a good vaccuum!). But the rewards for all are so worth it. As one of my favorite Sci-Fi characters once said, "The Honor is to Serve."
 
 
written by Eric Munson